After all you only live once...

First and foremost I want to thank everyone who messaged me, or left comments. You people are the best and without wonderful words of reassurance and great friends I don't know how I would have survived. Thank you for all of your wonderful kind words.

The surgery went fine. I was a wreak that's for sure. I don't care how many mods I have or what I have survived. Surgery is my weakness and I absolutely freak out. I arrived at the hospital early Monday morning. Prepping for the surgery started nearly immediately. Blood was taken and two iv's in my arm (I'm such a pussy when it comes to IVs). The cardiologist came into the room and told me all that was going to be done. I was wheeled to the OR where I was still conscious and very aware of what was happening. I layed down on the OR table. They strapped my arms and legs down, and started prepping my chest for surgery. A blue cloth was draped over my head to assure I would not be able to see the operation. Valium was injected into my veins and lytocain was injected in my chest to assure I would not feel the scalpel. Surgery began I was very sedated but not unconscious. Putting me to sleep or allowing me to sleep through the surgery could cost me my life. There was a high risk of death involved so I was conscious the whole time. I felt the pressure of the pacemaker being removed and replaced. They stopped my heart quite a few seconds while replacing the pacemaker. Nothing is so terrifying as being awake and aware that your heart has completely stopped. I kept passing out and the one doctor stayed by my side to make sure I would not fall asleep. Everything went well and I was out of the OR in 45min. When out of the OR my blood pressure dropped to 87 over 33 and kept steadily dropping. Took a day to get it stabilized. I had the chance to view my old pacemaker and recovery will be quite some time.

Recovery so far was fast up until the last few days. The first week was painful and still is. But these last few days are really intense. I'm not sure what is going on and my cardiology appointment is soon. My body has taken a shit and my immune system is very weak. Right now my trans-dermal anchor implants are not doing well. They are getting very yucky and not happy so tomorrow I will most likely be removing them which greatly upsets me

Recovery will be a few more weeks but i'm sure all will be well and I will be back to what I love doing.

Thank you again <3